Why do we create anger
Introduction
We all become angry at some point or the other in our everyday lives. Some of us are very short tempered and create anger every now and then, even on slightest of the issues and some of us are more controlled and thus do not become angry quite often. We often become angry when something unpleasant takes place and in situations which are unfair and also blameworthy. When two individuals are exposed to same situations or circumstances, each of them reacts differently to these situations. One will remain calmer and maintain his cool whereas another one might lose it. The intensity of anger also differs from one person to another. We often feel that there are certain triggers which come from outside that kind of invoke anger in us. Though triggers may be same for two individuals still it is seen that an individual's reactions differ and this may be due to the difference in qualities of those two individuals.
The external stimulus which acts as the trigger
We all have certain trigger events which make us lose our calm. It may be anything like being stuck in the traffic, handling too much work pressure, someone playing the blame game, when exposed to too much noise, when the electricity goes off etc. Sometimes, even certain people can act as triggers. Whenever we see them, we lose our calmness and that may be due to our unpleasant communication or encounter with them in the past that brings back unpleasant memory again and again. We often feel when so and so situation takes place and when we are put into so and so trigger event, we show anger. This is the reason that we say that these events or certain individual made us angry. We never use the word that we created anger and this is because we feel that we are no longer in control of our anger. Our anger is only dependent on the external environment. When someone says something or does something unpleasant then automatically our anger gets created and that is why it is them who have triggered it. If this was true then everyone must lose their calmness in the same sort of situations. But, not everyone does that. That means, the statement that triggering events create anger is not true.
Dangers of anger
Our anger consumes us and this is because it comes under the category of consuming emotions. It creates a lot of damage. We can check it when next time we get angry. During periods of this consuming emotion, we can sense that our blood is boiling in our body. On one hand, we say that we love our near and dear ones but when we are angry, we let everything out and seem to hurt the same people to whom we so much care about or are affectionate about. When we get angry, for that period of time, we tend to block our love energy. This is the reason-loving someone unconditionally has become impossible today. Blocking energy of love even for a second means we are sending the energy which is opposite of love towards our loved ones and that is nothing but the energy of hate. Even for a second if we are blocking our love then how can love be termed as unconditional and selfless. Anger exerts multiple side effects. We often hold our past and usually not reveal it to others. When we are angry, we let everything out which may be intentionally or unintentionally and say such things which can prove disastrous to the relationships. Instead of understanding that there is nothing that can be done to repair our past, we still hold on to it and instead do not even try to connect with our present.
Anger and other emotions
Anger is not just related to losing calmness. It brings with itself lots of other emotions like the person who is angry also feels sad and afraid. Underlying our fear exists our hidden emotions. In order to conceal our sadness or fear, we wear the mask of anger. We do not want to show the world that we are scared of something nor do we want to show that we are feeling vulnerable and sad. Both fear and sadness are associated with weakness. This is why we keep them concealed within us. On the other hand, anger is associated with power. This is, however, a sort of misunderstanding and a myth. We feel that one who shows anger and shouts at others is more powerful than the one who cannot. For example, a boss can be angry at his workers and a teacher or a parent can be angry at the kids but vice versa is not possible. This is because the boss, teachers, parents are more powerful and thus they can show their control in the form of anger. This is the reason that anger is an easy way to hide our other emotions. When we are cheated and feel bad then instead of crying or feeling sad, we opt for anger.
Anger is not the solution but the problem
We usually focus our anger on all those people whom we consider as the culprit for the condition that we are right in. We do not even leave God alone. When certain things don't go as per our according to then we focus our anger on the almighty God too. All those individuals who are related to us, all the ones who might not be related but scare us and the Supreme Soul, all become our focus at one point or the other. Anger is not a right act but hardly we get this fact. When we are in anger, we are in a vulnerable state and thus we do not understand that we are causing too much damage to everything, including to ourselves. In no way, we are trying to justify anything or solving the problem. Anger isn't the solution. In fact, it worsens the situations and creates more problem. Sometimes, we show anger towards others so that we can teach them a lesson or we want them to act in a rightful manner. However, a lesson taught in this way is neither going to make them learn anything nor is going to help us in any way. Anger is damaging and is not a solution to any problem.
Causes of anger
We display anger as soon as we feel that we are attacked in some way which can be either physical or mental. Verbal attacks too can result in anger. As soon as we see that the other person is threatening us, we become angry. We want everything to be fair in our life. It does not matter to us whether we are trying to implicate the same in our lives. We do so much of injustice in our lives but when the same is done to us when we become vulnerable and feel sad and this sadness towards injustice is shown in the form of anger. We all want to be powerful because that is what makes a person outshine and noticed. When we lose power and start feeling powerless in our lives or in certain situations then it will trigger anger in us. We don't know what the future has stored in for us. We are not good at accepting the destiny as it is. In our minds, we have already planned everything whether it is about next moment or about the moment which is 10 years from now. However, when things do not turn out the way we want them to be then we feel bad and display our emotions in the form of anger. This is nothing but our frustration which has resulted as we are not able to have control over things.
Characteristics of an individual and anger
All of us react to the different situations in different ways. Some of us display hurt, sadness, amusement whereas others display anger by hiding the other emotions. This is because there are certain characteristics of an individual which make them vulnerable and more prone towards getting angry and that too more often. If an individual has been displaying more anger right from his childhood itself then it is very obvious that in later parts of his life too, he will do the same. He will continue doing so until he really wants to stop showing anger as he understands how damaging it can be. If it is the upbringing then it is difficult to mold him differently in the later parts of life. Kids when witnessing their parents and others in early childhood that they can get their work done by showing anger then they too start practicing the same. They feel that this is the only method of getting the work done by the people who work for them. If they do not display anger then the workers will get lazy and not work efficiently. If they have experienced in the past that anger helped them in some way or the other then they will start using the same tool everytime they need someone to do something for them. If in the upbringing itself we are taught that it is okay to show our aggressive side then we feel that it is very normal to act aggressive or violent. This is the reason that within no time we will display anger instead of trying to keep it under control. Even the smallest trigger will invoke aggressiveness in us. We will not at all work towards managing or controlling our actions and anger.
A highly competitive person will not feel good when he loses. When he faces failure then he becomes vulnerable and shows anger. A person who is narcissistic thinks about highly of himself but when others do not think the same about him or when certain situations do not make him feel important then he will start feeling angry. On the other hand, a person who has very low tolerance will show anger every now and then. Even on slightest triggers, he will show his most violent side. A person who is already frustrated, angry, tired and feeling vulnerable will react more aggressively and more violently to the situation as his patience level has been tested enough.
Anger and loss
A person who has lost someone precious in his life, who was very near and dear to him will show anger every now and then because of his loss. He will find difficulty in dealing with everything. Not only loss of someone's life will make a person react in this manner but the loss of anything like loss of the house in the floods, loss of money when the market goes down, loss of field etc will also make people vulnerable. Loss and anger are very closely associated with each other. Fear of losing anything will also immediately make a person become defensive and he will display it in the form of anger.
Hidden Anger
Sometimes we are not able to show our anger in some places and on some people. For example, we are not able to show our anger on our boss, irrespective of how angry he makes us. Thus, we will keep our anger hidden. We will instead throw it on our colleagues and on those people who work under us. Moreover, we will bring that anger along with us to our homes and ruin our personal lives too. We will try to display that feeling of frustration and anger anywhere and everywhere we can, except on our boss. This is how a spark of anger can ruin everything in life. The place where it had to be shown, when not displayed ruin other places in life. It does not mean that we need to show our anger on our boss. It simply means that instead, we can solve our problem by taking the initiative of reaching out to our boss and having a conversation with him instead. This itself had solved the whole problem.
Expectations
Expectations and anger have a very deep relation. When we start expecting something from someone then we should understand that we are creating trouble for us. When these expectations do not get fulfilled, then we get disheartened and feel bad. When someone does not behave the way we want to, when someone acts or speaks against our will, when circumstances turn out to be against our plan then all our expectations shatter and thereby we make use of anger to hide what we are feeling and lose our control.
Conclusion
It is not true that the cause of our anger lies outside us. It is we who create anger. It is just that external environment can trigger or act as a stimulus. Whenever our expectations are not met, whenever we feel threatened or scared, whenever we feel sad may be due to loss of something precious or simply because we are too sensitive, we will create anger. It is based on our upbringing and the way we look at the things. If we are short- tempered right from the beginning then we will show more anger when compared to other individuals. We get angry because we are not able to clarify certain things in life. We have certain problem areas and puzzles in life and when we do not solve them, we tend to carry that weight along with us wherever we go and as a result, we ruin every other area of our life. Everytime our wishes do not get fulfilled, we feel sad and vulnerable and get angry. The mind which is already sad, tired and frustrated will become angry quickly. All we need to keep in mind is that it is we who create anger. It is our choice. If we want, we can maintain our calm and keep our cool and thereby our anger can also be controlled. It is we who choose the easy option and instead of trying hard to suppress it, we let it out. We feel that way we will be able to achieve what we want to, but we need to understand that anger has never been a solution and never will be. It is always considered to be destructive for our relations as well as for our health. It is we who create it and if we wish to control it then we can very well control it by teaching ourselves anger management tips. The more and more tips we learn and practice, easily we will be able to deal with our anger.
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