Does he love me anymore? Insecurity and doubt in a loving relationship
Is this what you are thinking at the moment? I know He must have found someone else. He is lying to me these days. He must be roaming around with another lady. All these doubts and there starts the impairment of a loving relationship.
Dipti was undergoing this difficult phase of her life where she was losing her trust on her partner. Is it Dipti’s fault or the circumstances have compelled her to think negative? What if her husband is coming late from work, what if he has female friends, what if she sees him talking to a female? Are these the reasons for her suspicion and is it valid? If yes, her relationship is going to be jeopardised sooner or later. Let’s look at few basic things which we can’t ignore and they happen intentionally or unintentionally when we encounter such situation:-
a) Lose of trust: - You start losing your trust on your partner/husband once you start looking at him with suspicion.
b) Making assumptions: - Second thing that starts is our assumptions which are meaningless and completely irrational. He is coming late from work, Ok that means he must be going with someone after his usual office hrs. I saw him talking to a female, which must be his new girlfriend.
c) Nothing is ignored: - You start observing trivial and trifling things/changes in him which you have never taken notice of or not ever bothered about. You start looking if he is got any new hair style, what uniform he is wearing, what perfume he uses etc.
d) Checking purse and other important stuff which you have never done before: - You tend to check his purse whether there is a slip containing some important number or somebody’s address. If you find one that too with a female name on it, there u lose your peace of mind and you start brainstorming & searching for something which does not exist at all. It does not stop here , if you don’t find anything further, you start searching everywhere, his laptop, telephone diary, office diary etc.
e) Keeping an eye on his phone: - There used to be a time when your husband’s phone ring, you used to give it to him, saying that it’s for you. Now the situation is, if it rings you will pick it up and will lie to him, it’s nothing to do with you, it’s for me. In the middle of the night, when your husband is fast asleep, you find nothing more important than to check his mobile messages, calls etc.
f) Developing communication gap: - With all the above things getting piled up in your mind, automatically you stop communication with him. Though he takes efforts to talk to you, it does not affect you
So these were things which started happening with Dipti which finally led to the end of her relationship, which could have been saved. Such a situation can be very detrimental for anyone and needs to be settled before it comes to an end. How? It’s not an easy task but let’s have a look on few things which we should never ignore when encountered with such a situation.
a) Don’t ignore the obvious: - you can see, he is working hard and is coming late from the work just for a happy and comfortable life for both of you.
b) Be patient: - Even If you are having some doubt, avoid losing your temper and don’t just get into unnecessary arguments with him. Though it’s difficult but try to be patient to behave normally with him.
c) Keep the communication doors open: -- Give him a chance to describe and clarify things to you. Keep the communication on from your side and listen to his part as well, don’t keep it for the last day.
d) Don’t encourage & justify your doubts: - Avoid justifying your doubts by looking for something or the other from his appointment diary, mobile, purse etc.
e) Introspect yourself: - Before reaching to any conclusion, ask yourself, examine yourself, what are you doing and is that right? It will help you to take your time and understand things in a more logical and rational way.
f) Stop assuming: - Keep yourself hundred miles away from false alarms. It’s always better to ask than to just sit and think, this might have happened, or this could be the case. You can be absolutely wrong.
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