Have A Better Understanding With Your Teenagers !
Understanding Teenagers !
We hear most parents complainng about their teenagers often saying that their once obedient hard working ten old has become a totally changed monster overnight.He is regressing as he is growing up, was more stable when he was ten , whereas now he seems confused, spends late hours at night on networking sites ,wakes up late and refuses to do anything they tell him !!And , worse he talks back and doesnt seem to care for anybody!
This is something that all parents have to go through when their children reach that stage which is a nightmare for some parents as well as for the teenagers in question.
Some biological reasons for this sudden change
According to psychologists and neuro scientists , the brain which works endlessly till the age of 11 or 12 years ,suddenly turns chaotic with the changes that take place in the youngsters like menstruation and other bodily changes in both male and female.Apparently, 20 billion synapses in ones brian and nervous system are pruned away ! This affects the frontal lobe of the brain, which is responsible for high-level reasoning, clear thinking and decision- making.This is called the ' rewiring ' phase and explains why the teenager behaves that way since he is unable to think rationally until he grows to be older and the brain matures into a 'finely tuned neural circuitry'.
There is also the Darkness Harmone known as ''Melatonin' which helps us sleep, produced in adults by 10 PM. However, in the case of most teens it generally kicks in only after 1 Am ! And teenagers require at least 9 hours of sleep as against the average adult who need 7 hours of sleep.Lack of sleep impacts their general performance , mood and attention level. In the USA there are cases where some schools have delayed the school hours to give the chidren extra time in bed.Of course this is still in experimental stages but students have reported positive changes in their academic performances .So it may not be a bad idea to let them stay in bed for a couple of more hours !
As a parent you need to remember ..
- That , in the early years parents need to teach their children to learn about the world.Later as children grow up ,be a mentor. Many teenagers tend to have a " I Dont Really Care " attitude which in fact is just a shield . In fact , most teens yearn to have a better relationships with their parents.According to many counsellors, teenagers often tell them that they wished that their parents were more understanding and listened to them without being judgmental !
- That, the responsibility still lies with you .In the parent - teenager relationship, the parent has to claim back his/her power, spell out the boundaries and be consisitent while taking decisions.It is a wise idea to sit down and discuss the issue with the teenagers so that they are able to voice their own views about it .Giving them choices and negotiating the various options , so that they know that you are firm about the issue,helps in following through with the decison that is taken.Such steps have far reachng implications since it instils discipline which is good for them , even in their later life .
- That, you have to respect their brain .They may not be able to manage all of their emotions and behaviors at that stage , but with your understanding and some help , they would be able to manage their affairs with much better results.There is no point in nagging them constantly and pushing their lives into further chaos.They may not be able to or want to change their behavior, but as an experienced and wise person , you definitely can !
- That, the teenage brain is constantly looking for ways to experiment, explore and be adventurous.Teenagers are generally more open to ideas although they may not be able to evaluate them.They tend to be rebellious - rebelling against status quo and stagnant age old ideas and crave for change.Here we must remember that they hardly give any serious thought as to whether the new ideas are going to work better or even think about the merits of the old system.But , rebel they will against anything that they feel is stading in the way of growth !
- That, the best thing about teenagers is that it is easier to mould them than adults who become set in their ways.We just have to go down to their level to understand them and also have loads of patience and tolerance without making undue demands .We should remember that they are going through a crisis in life and need lots of support and security to come out of it without any life long damage.
- That, it is important to communicate with your teen in a clear, concise and positive manner.It is better not to show their faults instead encourage them to know why things went wrong and what could have been done to avoid the mistake.Being analytical arouses their interest and one can hope to see some positive reaction.
- That,teens get upset when their parents are constantly supervising their activities and question them about their friends .Nagging can never help ,instead being compassionate and showing that you care about them and understand their needs will help much more.
Finally, I would like to conclude by saying that we can easily mould our teenagers the way we want them by being understanding and tolerant to their needs.
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