Living a life after a tragedy
My life was never the same after I lost my mother. It was as if I lost my soul and inspiration for living. Parents are the pillars of support to our lives. It is the most truthful and honest relationship with unconditional love that one can have. Losing a parent sweeps you away from your feet. So when tragedy strikes you it strikes you hard.
My mother's passing away was sudden and unexpected. My whole world came crushing down to me. Many of us has experienced such loss and has gone through such pain and suffering.
Losing a parent, a child, a sibling, a spouse, a friend, or a pet all takes away a part of your soul. Our life changes forever. That relationship ends forever. We can no longer talk to that person or see that person. In such cases, many unresolved issues remain unsolved. So its an end of a lifelong relationship. My days were filled with emotional ups and downs and continuous flow of anger, guilt, depression, grief and sorrow. But coping with the tragedy is the challenge. We all take our own time to cope with the loss. We are so overwhelmed by the "ifs and buts" that we fail to understand the ground reality. We held ourselves responsible to some extent for not doing enough for our loved ones or for what could have been done and so on. Many of us get into depression. We try to block ourselves from the outside world, our family and friends.
Getting over grief and healing
There is no ground rule for healing. Healing takes time. Each person react in different ways and with time the pain gradually subsides and we gradually learn to deal with it. Here are some basic guidelines to get over grief and start healing.
- Forgiveness and letting go of the past: In many cases, the mourner might share a troubled relationship with the deceased person. In that case, some unresolved issues might trigger anger or guilt. So, first and foremost start forgiving yourself and seeking forgiveness from the deceased person helps. The deceased person is no more with us. So just sit down and take a picture of your loved one and talk to that picture. It helps in releasing the bottled-up emotions and gives comfort to our minds. Whatever has happened has happened and one can do nothing about it. No one can change the past. Dwelling in the past and reliving the incidents will do us no good. It will just increase the pain. Try to embrace the present and enjoy every moment as much as you can.
- Counseling: In many cases, seeking the advice of a psychiatrist or a grief counselor is of great help. Talking to a third person often eases the pain and there is also no question of unnecessary judgement or prejudice.
- Seeking the help of family and friends: Try to welcome friends and family with whom you are most comfortable. Do not distant out close friends and family like siblings or spouses. They know you the best and sharing the pain with them helps us to relax as well.
- Develop a hobby: Explore new hobbies. Take up a new job. Keeping oneself busy helps us to keep our minds distracted from the pain and agony of losing our loved one.
- Spirituality: Tragedy often makes us come closer to our inner self or conscience, i.e. spirituality. We learn to cherish our relationships and start valuing them. We become much more aware of our surroundings. We should try to give as much love as possible to your loved ones who are still with us. Keep your minds open to the goodness of nature. Always welcome and enjoy the company of positive people. Do not keep ill thoughts in your mind and ignore people who try to hurt you.
- Enjoy life: Life is too short. So, enjoying life to its fullest is the keyword. We all should chase our dreams. We might not be successful but just enjoying the process will give us satisfaction. There should be no regrets. Too much expectations from life and our relationships, often lead us to heartbreaks and pain. So we should all try to lead a simple and happy life.
Life is full of twists and turns and ups and downs. Everybody has to face his or her share of happiness and suffering. We experience and we move on. That is life and no matter what we have to face it. So be happy and keep others happy.
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