How to tackle difficult persons
How to win persons with different ideologies
Do you know we have close to 7 billion people on our planet and some of them (maybe I am being modest while using the word 'some') but the fact that all of them going to difficult to deal with them. In fact, we meet people every day with whom it's not easy to get along with at least all of the time. Let’s accept the fact that it becomes depressing at times but it's really hard to change most of them as you would prefer or like them to be and the worst part is maybe they think they same abut you at the same time. So what should you do? Think something keeping in mind that you cannot simply change the way they think or their ideologies, temperament or personalities are entirely different from what you expect.
Whatever the reason but if you come across people suddenly while you’re cruising along on a successful life path without a care in the world. Maybe you try to get along with them but it’s not an easy task to meet their demands. Maybe you don’t lose much but they certainly leave their signs. And the signs are never pleasant since all such people are always difficult ones with different mindsets. Some of them are aggressive while some others are quick-tempered and you have plenty of them are behave like dictators.
Just how can you do that?
Here I remember about a coworker who hated going to tour with juniors, incidentally I was a junior manager then. He was not my kind as he was not only too aggressive but short tempered and worst of all to proudly just because he was 8 years senior than me but I had to work with him rather under him so I had no choice but to face his attitude. It went on for couple of trips and I had reached to stage where I had started to believe that the man was impossible. In fact, he had started to treat me like an enemy or maybe he took me for a spade.
But then one day I suddenly realized that my own behavior was getting worse so I decided to change my attitude. I woke up a little earlier that fine morning when we two were on a trip in Karnataka and staying in the same hotel room. I planned an experiment to treat him differently that day imagining that senior manager was my great friend and not the manager only. I had asked myself a simple question while in the process of making out that plan despite knowing the fact that a person trained in such matters like a psychiatrist can chalk out such plans but an ordinary person like me had to face lots of trouble changing someone having complex behavioral problems.
But I thought, can I change this person or let the situation go on or should I carry on tolerating him the way I was doing. The answer I got was, you can do it, you can change him but you will have to be patient while dealing with this person in a different way. We all face such people and I can assure you we all can find ways how to tackle them but the only condition in achieving this goal is one should not lose his cool during the entire process otherwise there will be not much difference in between that person and you. The process may take time but if you have enough patience trust me you will succeed in the end. In my case, I can still remember first he was skeptical at my first move but started to understand my point, in fact he had no choice but to change his behavior.
Can I change them all?
The answer is, in 99% cases, ye you can change people with complex behavior having difficult personalities but the fact very few people prefer to go through the process of such a complex procedure which in some cases might even backfire so a plan B should be kept ready if you have decided to go with such a plan. As I said, the plan may backfire and in some cases it can even worsen the relations to a point where the chances of recovery are remote. But if you wish to go on with your plan you should check-
- Do you really need to change him?
- Do you feel you can get success?
- You are not afraid that things might get worse?
- You think he is willing to change?
You should know the fact beforehand that difficult people do not change to please you so your efforts could prove futile and if something to that effect happens you will not change your attitude toward that person because you knew it from the beginning.
What are your options?
Now if you cannot change the behavior of a difficult person you have left with only two options, either you let the things go the way they are going or get out of the situation believing that you cannot do it. And that is true up to some extent. Everyone is not trained for changing the behavior of persons like these but everyone or almost everyone knows how to let things persist or continue in an opinion or course of action in spite of difficulty rather than facing the stiff opposition. There is no harm going with second option too unless you have a foolproof plan for changing the difficult person. You can find out your chances of success or situation by reading the below mentioned points-
- Why should I go ahead with this useless plan
- I will talk to the higher authorities
- I may lose my own calm so let me avoid it
- I will feel bad but I will tolerate him
- Everything will be fine in due course
- I will kill him in my imagination
There are some healthier ways of thinking
- I will do my best to keep myself calm and cool
- I will do the best according to situation
- I will stay away from the emotions
- I will not lose my own status
- I can see his insecurity or inferiority
- I would not report him because I myself do not like people who do that
- I do not want to lose my sleep by dealing such people
- I can handle the situation when the time demands it
- I do not keep such matters in my mind but trust in forget and forgive
In fact, you can have many excuses to keep away from any act of reformation of such persons thinking that it’s not your business but if you feel so, you should reduce your mingling with such kind of people if you can help it. In fact, you are trying to solve a problem where your chances of doing so are almost nil.
Should I leave him forever?
That is one of the questions that come to your mind when you find yourself at the end of a closed lane but ask yourself a simple question, is that possible in all cases? Sometimes, you behave bitterly with such people but even that is not the solution for your problem as the other person does not understand your point or is too shrewd to understand. So what’s the limit you have set for yourself? Don’t you think tit for tat is one of the best remedies in such a case? Now you have two options at your disposal, either you try to change him or leave him forever. If you have decided in favor of first choice go ahead and try to change him but if you have decided in favor of leaving him aside and move on maybe you’re not wrong. When you have already moved on and looked back you will see you were right at your decision.
Everyone tackles difficult persons with their own methods. While some of us succeed handling such personalities most of us failed at that since some of them become violent in the process. The best way to deal such people is to act according to situation. Go deeper into the matter and chalk out a strategy which you feel can work and if you feel the man is impossible just leave and forget him. However, you should avoid the situation which you find impossible to come out from.
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