It is obvious that those who marry should love each other. If there is only superficial attraction and if there is disenchantment after the marriage, it makes for unhappiness. There can not be a rule as such in this matter. But it is quite wrong for the parents to fix a marriage on other considerations. It is, of course, good if the parents are considerate enough to give the boy and the girl opportunities to meet and encourage the growth of attachment. As for the different types of marriages such as - love marriage, marriage arranged by the parents or a marriage in which parents find out the boy and girl but let them take the final decision, I think India will not have complete unity as long as such marriages do not take place.

Difficulties attending such marriages....

At the same time we should be aware of the difficulties attending such marriages. By difficulties I do not mean displeasure of the community. The difficulty is, how would the two persons come together. Imagine their mother tongues are different, in what language will they converse? Generally such marriages have taken place when both boy and girl could speak in English. Suppose one of the two is a Bengali and the other a Maharashtrian, then English becomes their language. Both know it. They might learn each other's language a little, but English becomes their common language. These are the difficulties. Moreover, there are certain tastes peculiar to a place, a community, or a province. Unless the two understand each other fully, They may lose affection for each other. For marriage is a very intimate relation. People think of big things but it is the small things, that brings difference in regard to these things that can not be tolerate. That is the difficulty. The fact of the matter is that normally the common factor in such marriages taking place nowadays is not 'Indianness' but modern English education. They reach a common understanding this way. Suppose a girl from the South and a boy of the North get married. Their habits, big and small, will be different. That will be a wall between them. But I feel such walls will crumble down. It is my conviction that barriers in such marriages are barriers to national unity. Whether you marry or not such barriers, social or legal, preventing marriages affect national unity adversely. That should not be. We have to take risks in this matter.

Would we agree that generally widower should marry a widow?

Certainly. I don't oppose that and we should do not oppose that. It is for them to decide. In our country very early marriages create problems. And the same principle applies to international marriages. There should be no obstructions. But the difficulties in these cases are greater.

There would be political difficulties also?

Yes. But we should do not thinking of them. We should thinking of the social difficulties. For when a person is born and brought up in particular society, but marries into another society, there is an uprooting, and both the parties find life difficult.

But some people adjust themselves very well.....

Yes, I think that depends upon the individual. It is more possible in modern times. In old days Hindu families were big joint families. Suppose a English girl marries into a large Hindu family of 50/100 members, she would almost go mad. For she has been trained differently. But now that we ourselves have small families especially in big cities, things have become much easier. In can not say so about other places. These difficulties are gradually being removed. As a matter of fact they should not be there at all, international or inter-provincial. Of course, careful thought should be given, before taking the step, to whether adjustment is possible.

Do such marriages promote the one world idea?

Certainly. Nowadays people squander money to no purpose on marriages. We should have no objection to some fanfare and merry-making especially by our rural people for whom a marriage is a big event. But social pressure on the bride's father are ruinous. Those who can spend, may do so, but social pressure which force a person into insolvency through compulsory gifts are extremely undesirable. On the other hand the show of wealth in which the rich indulge on such occasions is positively vulgar. We should be very much opposed to such vulgar shows. And such a show also has a bad influence on the poor. Further, there should be no extravagance when the country is so poor. Even if we spend, there should be a method in the expenditure. If it has no practical value, it should have at least an artistic value. But even that approach is absent among our people. Those who spend money on such occasions more often than not show vulgarity and a lack of culture. Their expenditure proves nothing except their ability to spend extravagantly. This is undesirable.

Have anything special to say about giving dowry and such aspects?

Of course dowry is a wrong thing. The parents may give their daughter some things, whatever we call these. But the way these things are given is most often wrong.

• Written by SUJIT.
• In category Marriage.
• 10 years ago.

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