Tere jaisa yaar kahan...?
Tere jaisa yaar kahan...kahan aisa yarana...many of you would have once in your lifetime related to the song or must have thought of your friends whenever you heard this song playing on the television set before you or some time just after your college life when you miss your friends' company the most. The bond without which life would have been colorless - Friendship! Have you ever given a thought a little ignorance can sometimes cost you a friend. Find out how!?
Two are better than one; because they have good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe unto hi, that is alone when falleth; for he hath not another to help him up ~ The Bible
The bible clearly outlines the effect friendship has on your life. The times when you are low your friends picks you up, the times when you are happy your friends double up your joy but things may not be the same forever. For once in your lives you may have encountered the feeling of jealousy popping up between your friendships.
Do you remember having a very good friend of yours who suddenly started avoiding you to the extent that now you hardly talk to each other? Did you ever had a best friend who out of no known reasons to you turned gears when you were in your best phase of your life, when you got the great job or brought the new house or when you got the promotion? The sudden switch in your friend’s behavior might be a result of unbearable jealousy that your friend might have faced due to your success. Success in your life may often cause insecurities to develop in your friend’s heart that may take a toll on your friendship that you might have thought of cherishing forever.
The causes of jealousy may be varied for varied people. You may be facing jealousy towards your friend or your friend may be housing the feeling for you. The success of one may initiate jealousy in other friend’s mind. The fact that one has a better job, a better spouse, a better house than the other might induce jealousy in the bond that otherwise is filled with love and care.
A powerful emotion which when emerges in a friendship can excite feelings of anger within oneself or for a friend. The jealousy within you can give rise to emotions of frustration and anger besides depression in extreme cases.
Angry at your friend? – When you feel jealous towards your friend you might often get annoyed or angered on your friend with or without any reason. Sometimes the reason may be silly like your friend stealing away all the attention at a party for which you tried to look the best, or your friend taking up all the praises for the project you put together. If you start feeling that your friend shadows you every time this may cause jealousy to erupt. If you wish to outdo your friend but constantly fail to do so that can cause frustration and anger. Though a healthy competition is always beneficiary but when it starts turning into more into jealousy it can hamper the bond between you and your friend.
Angry at yourself? – The feeling of being constantly pulled down and shadowed by your friend may often result in lowering down your confidence. You might understand that you must be happy if your friend got the job you both were trying for, but the fact that you didn’t get it in spite of having better grades than her’s may make you feel bad and pinched. You will get angry and guilty within yourself for being selfish and thinking that way.
How to overcome the jealousy feeling in you -- Try turning your jealousy for your own good. If you feel you are not good enough or are not at par with your friend when performance is concerned in any sphere, try performing better by working harder towards your goals. If you feel jealous try turning the negative feelings to self motivate yourself. Take it in a positive stride to move towards your goal.
Signs of jealousy in your friend
- Counter reactions—when your friends become jealous of you they will find a way to strike a negative point in whatever good you might tell them about yourself or relating to you. For example of you tell your friend about the very good new job you just joined instead of being happy she might highlight the negative points about the company.
- Fail to help you—it doesn’t happen once but many times that whenever you need help your friend fails to come at your rescue. And what you get is lame reasons for the failure to be at your disposal the time when you would have wanted her to be at your side.
- Becomes a funny actor—if you know your friend very well you may notice her over acting in your moments of happiness giving you a fake grin as if trying to show you that she too is happy because you are! Such unnatural reactions are easily visible.
- Turns you down—this happens very often. Whenever you are excited about anything; your new job, new date or be it your new house you find your friend fluffing it off as if there is no good in that. Your friend reacts as if there is no good that has happened and merely ignores the talks and changes the topic.
- Discourages you—this is yet another trait to look in for. Your friend out of jealousy will make you lament on your decisions in life- big or small. She will often talk about your failures and you will end up feeling bad.
- Avoids meeting with you—when jealousy starts taking a toll on your friends mind she will no longer love to be in your company. Your success in life be it your small achievements or your big endeavors they will try avoiding you every time and suddenly disappear into their lives. Like if your friend doesn’t turn up giving you lame reasons for the party you threw up to celebrate your promotion or the get together you organized at your home is a sign that they are pinched by your happiness.
Steps you can take
- Evaluate and analyze—this is the first step once you start realizing that the feeling of jealousy has started emerging in your friend’s heart. When did your friend start behaving this way? Is she going through a bad phase in life? People who have insecurities in their lives often feel jealous of other’s happiness. Maybe your friend is going through a bad emotional or professional phase in her life.
- Talk to your friend—when just the two of you are around talk to your friend and try putting across that you understand her very well and why she is low these days. Try making her feel good so that she opens up before you. Talking might make her feel lighter and shed her jealousy. Make her feel that you still are the same friend of her who cares for her and will be by her side whenever she needs you to be.
- Take steps early—take steps early to save your friendship by curbing the jealousy in your friend’s heart. This may be difficult but not impossible. Try bridging in the gap that is building up between you and your friend.
Conclusions: - one of the loveliest bonds that one builds up in one’s lifetime. You look up to your friends to share the feelings that you cannot share with your close family. You love to spend time with your buddies because their company is always enjoyable. You always look up to your friend whenever you need someone to listen to you. It is best to curb your feelings of jealousy by bringing up positivity in your bond. Try eliminating the minute traces of jealousy so that it does not hamper your friendship and you always have sweet memories whenever the songs of friendship play before you.
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