When father becomes mother of a kid
Kids need the presence of both – mother’s love and father’s security. When a kid is three months old his eyes respond to his mother and father in different ways. It’s the first step of bond that a kid develops with his parents. Very often time plays mischiefs with life and a kid may loss his mother at his younger age. Due to mother’s death a father needs to play a double role in the life of a kid. When mother departs to another world, that void is to be filled with his father. Very often second marriage tries to fill that void but in most cases it results in conflicts and clashes only, particularly with the birth of a new child. Through this article let me give a few parenting tips for father.
In mother’s absence
It’s really curious to know how a father brings up a kid in the absence of mother. Till now many studies and researches have happened all over the world. Such studies started in 1960 and it was first done by Cambridge University. The situations through which a father brings up the child can control the kid’s character and behaviour considerably. If father is positive, kids brought up so show positive signs towards life and show more maturity, both physically and mentally. If he is negative in thoughts, it can adversely affect kids’ development – both mentally and emotionally. Cambridge University reached this conclusion after studying closely many cases, in between the age group 1 and 16 years. After that, an unwritten law was implemented in Britain that father should spend more time with motherless kids.
When father brings up kids
Mental and physical growths in kids take place stage by stage and each phase shows distinct responses. Till he reaches 3, he desires his mother’s presence most. He needs protection, care and security equal to fetes. But in most cases, fathers fail as he can’t replace a kid’s mother fully. But studies prove that if father is able to give him sufficient care and love, he never feels the need of mother’s love at this age.
When kids are brought up along with both parents a kid may express his love towards anyone. He may say, “I love mother more” or “I love father more”. But if parents implant such thoughts in kid’s mind it’s just childish. Kid may express his secrets and strong feelings to anyone of the parents only. But if he stays as a single parent kid, none of the choices are left for him. He solely depends on his father for everything.
What are those cases when a kid is brought up as single-parent kid?
It normally takes place during 5 occasions.
- Mother dies due to an accident or disease.
- After divorce, kid may have chosen his father.
- Mother works in some foreign country or other distant place far away from kids. Father lives in hometown with their kids.
- Mother is socially active or a politician who can’t spend enough time with kids.
- Mother is physically disabled or mentally not stable or if she is suffering from some severe disease.
These are the normal cases where a father has to look after the kids. Each situation may create different mental status to kids. If mother is dead due to some accident, kids become closer with father. But if couples have separated due to clashes kid may be angry with his father particularly if he feels that father is responsible for it. Also, mental status of such kids who have seen a lot of quarrels between their parents may be different from normal kids. If a kid has to stay with his father as a result of a court order, he may hate his father most and may give negative impacts even if his father cares him a lot.
Positive fathering
Motherless kids easily show emotions. So, character of father is most important. He should be able to give mother’s love and affection to fill that void. Bringing up kids in a healthy atmosphere and after knowing kids’ needs and desires if able to act according to it, it’s known as positive fathering. Love that kids deserve, protection, guidance, affection, care etc are those factors that kids expect from their parents. A good father is able to provide all these factors to a growing kid as per his need. Positive fathering is complete and it has following benefits too.
- Kid grows as mature kid and through positive thinking he learns to handle things.
- Kids’ mind and body – both are stronger than normal kids, if parenting is done in a proper way.
- They can overcome tensions and pressures easily.
- He shows social responsibilities than normal kids and has hidden emotions of love and pity inside his heart.
- If kid is a girl, she develops healthy relationship with males.
- When times arrives to take a decision, instead of thinking emotionally he thinks practically.
Negative fathering – bad face of parenting
When kids are not even given consideration of motherless kids, science gives this condition the name, negative fathering. A bad father never cares a kid or his future. He may be addicted to drinking, smoking and other bad habits. When kids grow seeing this, he may be mentally affected and he desires his mother’s love a lot. Some fathers may even torture such kids severely, both physically and mentally. Such kids may be thrown to the world of depression, anxiety and many mental problems. As he is not grown up under good family atmosphere, he may be easily attracted to bad paths thus destroying his life forever. They may lack confidence and have problems in mingling with society and people. Such kids if not given proper education, may not become successful in life too. He may even turn to a thief or criminal in future as bad effects of parenting.
What should a father do?
We can see two types of fathers in our society. First group dedicates their whole life for kid’s future and happiness while second group are so selfish that they never care their kids. Since motherless kids show more emotional attachment they should be handled with care. So, such fathers should seek advices from their close friends and good relatives while bringing him up. If grand mother is present in the family, allow him to mingle with her freely. Even if mother is not present, she can teach the kid wiser lessons for sure.
Kids without mother get their father’s love and care most. It may be much more than normal father’s love, as he tries to play a double role in life. But some unfortunate kids miss love of both with the departure of his mother. Such fathers are really cruel who abandon their kids for their selfish needs. How many incidents are we hearing daily where such motherless daughters are tortured by fathers and their friends or being sold to someone else for money. It’s nothing but the cruel face of the same society where we are living. Let us close our eyes towards such injustices to kids and pray to almighty that, “Dear father, take care of your kids and bring them as good citizens of our country. Never throw them away please!”
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